we’ve all been there: make a dinner reservation, arrive on time, table isn’t ready, “please go wait at the bar,” waste $50 enduring the restaurant’s mistake.
this is called rewarding bad behavior and it’s a side effect of being a Sucker.
bad behavior is everywhere
a few more examples to get you fired1 up:
- cashiers who stare at you when the tip screen appears
- reminding contractors of their appointment at your house
- doctors who make you re-do the digital patient intake form on paper
- hiring the same freelancer again even though they disappointed you last time
case study
last week at TRMNL our launch campaign started glitching out and there was nothing i could do because i do not work at Kickstarter.
prospective Backers emailed, DM’d, and commented that our inventory was gone or they got an error during checkout. insult to injury, we coordinated 2 paid marketing campaigns that day and our traffic was higher than usual.
after 36 hours it was resolved and Kickstarter offered extra time on our 30-day campaign to recoup lost funds. i explained that they should not benefit from their mistake, we’ll switch to Indiegogo instead, and refused the offer.
the next day Kickstarter sent another pitch: they’ll feature us on next week’s tech newsletter. offer accepted. we were #3 on the listicle, so not the best real estate, but free money nonetheless.
this newsletter drove ~$1,200 in attributable sales we weren’t expecting, for which i’m grateful. and also, more enlightened.
the missing piece
prior to the Kickstarter incident i resolved that following this principle for its own sake was noble. but i couldn’t shake the feeling that it produced un-wanted “martyr” vibes. that by practicing this strategy, the real loser is not the wrongdoer, but the bitter person on the other end.
because let’s face it: the doctor will be fine without my business. the restaurant with a bar-while-you-wait will not change course. and the cashier at your local cafe is almost always an entitled prick.
but this inner conflict ended today. i finally see the other side of the coin; a more complete reason to avoid rewarding bad behavior.
all together now
just because someone isn’t your child doesn’t mean you can’t treat them like one. carrots for good outcomes, sticks for bad outcomes.
the complete reason to stay vigiliant against rewarding bad behavior is not to “punish” someone who will never care or even notice; it is to make room for good behavior by someone who will.
footnotes
- on November 10, 2017 i attended Tony Robbins’ Unlease the Power Within conference in West Palm Beach, Florida, with my colleague Klemen. besides walking barefoot on hot coals, my takeaway from this experience is that massive behavioral change requires “Peak State” energy.
You are right people probably won’t change their behavior based on boycotts or whatever. So vote with your feet where you can. Don’t endure bad customer experiences where you don’t have to. Cultivate options. But most people can’t get out of their own way and the world gets pretty small quickly if we ice them out for too much shit like that — as justifiable as that might nonetheless be.
I actually take the opposite tack when these situations arise. Bad service? I still tip well. Why? Cutting the tip from 20% to 10 or 15% or whatever, or to nothing conceivably if the service is atrocious, doesn’t avail you of new options in life– and as we’ve established, they aren’t learning anything anyway. It’s usually meaningless amounts in the scheme of things. So it’s an abundance play. You do it for you, not for them. It comes back to you and we save ourselves from unnecessary frustration when we can say to ourselves “yeah, you don’t deserve it– but I’m doing it anyway. Because I can and that’s important to me, even if you don’t appreciate it. Maybe especially so.”
Yup! It must of sucked when I made you have to fire me. That was the day I stopped drinking. Feel happier and healthier than I’ve ever felt in my life. Sometimes the stick is the way to go. Thank you.